Why, oh why do I tilt...

And KNOW I'm tilting, but continue to go down that destructive path!

Thursday morning, I had $25 left in Party Poker after cashing out another $50 (from the free $20 they gave me). I blew threw $10 of it. So last night, I played and turned the $15.00 into $35.00.

So this morning, I decide to try to make some quick money. It's all free anyway now. So I take $15 and hop at their $1/$2 limit table. I quickly blow threw that, trying to bluff even when I know I shoulded. I blow through that. I take $10.00 to the .50/1.00 limit table... and proceed to blow through that. (I've tilted myself for playing @ the 1/2 when I know I shouldn't have). Then I say screw it, major tilting for blowing through $30 of my $35, I take the remainder (it's actually $6 plus change), to their lowest NL (.10/.25) and wait for a hand and push. I get dealt AK a few hands in, and preflop there's a small raise. I re-raise from the BB, and one limper, re-raises, then another puts another big raise, limp-raiser, pushes all-in, so does next player, and me, knowing one of them has aces... calls (both had me covered). Now I don't know their hands until all cards are dealt. And watching it, the flop comes x-Q-J. I'm golden after the turn of a 10. Follow that up with a Q on the river. The first raiser (not the limp-raiser) has the aces, which I would have cracked, if the limp-raiser didn't show his pocket Js for the full boat.

This entire morning was a joke and a tilt fest of which I knew I was doing and shouldn't have been playing. But I did anyway. WHY???? So my party poker account is depleted. Now I just have to watch for them to throw some more cash my way. I still have about $30 on Titan (blew threw $10 of that online in a mini-tilt fest). Plus, $150 sitting in my firepay account. I don't want to hit that, because I want to cash that out and put that money towards either a laptop or a Xbox 360.

This weekend I might be playing in my brother-in-laws game. He usually tries to put one together when I'm in town. It's a $50 buy-in, he usually has 9-10 people. Winner usually takes home $250, and the last two times I've played, I was that winner! What I like about it is that there are plenty of chips there is plenty of play and you're never worried about the blinds!